Category: Writers Block
Ok, I've posted the bios earlier this summer, and here is the finished chapter one of the first story. there will be two others. so, read the note, and enjoy.
A.N: this is the first of potentially three stories, a large freaking thing of a story, well large in my terms. There really isn’t much to say, but there are some warnings, Anxt, violence, slight femslash, not much just because I can’t right that stuff, rape and death. This is going to be ugly and stems eight numbered chapters, two interludes and an epilogue. This is “Starlight’s Warriors” here is some background This story takes ideas of the powers of good and positive emotion and gives them power over the powers of evil and darkness, but good and light have their own problems to deal with, so light can be dimmed too, just in a different way.
Chapter one: Foreshadowed by prophecy
“I think I’m going to be sick!” Skyler took one look up at the sound of her sisters flat emotionless voice and rolled her eyes,
“Keyra, you don’t look green around the gills, you are standing in front of me, you are not emitting any heat and your hair isn’t sparking, therefore, you are not sick, or going to be sick.”
Keyra sighed and whipped her hair away from her face. Sighing she sat down on the soft white couch next to her older sister and groaned, “This is easy for you to say, you’ve done this already, I haven’t. I thought you said I was allowed to be nervous.”
Skyler chuckled, “You are allowed to be nervous, but come on, you know Ryo, he’ll be here any minute with your mentor, and you want to look presentable don’t you. You know someone who is a starlight warrior, but you don’t know what it is like to be a starlight warrior. It’s not all you make it out to be. Well alright it is, but many others will tell you otherwise. Now, come on now little starling and let’s get you set.”
Keyra and Skyler were sisters who were as close as sisters can be. Skyler was the elder with Keyra being the younger. Skyler had short black hair with brown eyes and a very muscular body most often covered by a crimson top, blue jeans and a white cloak held together with a golden star clasp. Keyra had long red hair, amethyst eyes and a thin lanky body. She was just starting to fill out in all of the right places and therefore didn’t look right in anything she wore, so she most often wore a black silk top, black jeans, black sneakers with little silver studs in them and a silver star chocker around her neck. Neither of them knew about their roots, but they really never paid that much attention, stars were created by someone, not born, but there were some who were, but they were never as powerful. There were Stars and then there were the Starlight warriors. Stars could use the powers of the light, but they had to take a certain star form to use them, then there were the handful who could become warriors, who were vastly more powerful, had a wider range of abilities and who could use the powers of the light in human form and shape it to their will.
Skyler sighed as she heard a knock on the door. She saw the tall wispy haired man leaning against it but didn’t see anyone else. She walked over to the door and opened it and pulled her mentor and lover into the house. Ryo was a tall man with white wispy hair. She peered around his shoulder, and groaned.
“They want Zeiry to be her mentor, fine, but lover, what the fuck did she drink this morning, a gallon of coffee?”
“Well Sky, that’s exactly what she did. Despite all appearances, even mentors of new warriors can get nervous too.”
“But a gallon of coffee!! She’s going to drive Keyra up the wall, but then again, maybe not.”
While Skyler was talking to Ryo, Zeiry made her way over to the younger girl leaning against the wall.
“So, you’re the little sister I’ve heard so much about, you’ll do, you’ll do quite well..”
“I’ll do? What do you mean I’ll do, do for what?”
Zeiry backtracked, “Sorry, I get away from myself sometimes, My name is Zeiry, I was the one chosen to be your mentor as a starlight warrior. And I can tell that you are going to do great things.”
Zeiry quickly shut up after that last comment because Skyler sent her a quick slashing look. Keyra wanted to know why, but she knew better than to ask.
Keyra did the polite thing and knowing that it was probably pointless, introduced herself which made the older woman smile slightly.
“Let’s just say that I already knew that and move on to more important things. Like, getting to know you, you getting to know me, me starting your training as soon as I possibly can, and bonding you to me.”
Keyra was a bit impressed that Zeiry can say all of that in one breath, and looked over at her sister, “What did she have for breakfast this morning, a pound of sugar?”
Ryo looked at her and laughed, “No, but she acts like it, it was actually a gallon of coffee.”
Skyler and Ryo exited the house to go do whatever it is that they do and Zeiry sprawled out on the couch while Keyra sat sideways in the recliner chair. Keyra took a moment to look at the person who was going to be bonded to her for the rest of her life, however long that was going to be. Zeiry had short golden blond hair and eyes that reminded Keyra of a cat, yellow and slit like. It should of looked intimidating, but Keyra found it oddly attractive in a strange sort of way.
“Now Keyra. I take it you know what is supposed to happen right? You might not like me now, but after tonight, that won’t matter. But I am not trying to force you into anything. I want you to know that. I won’t force you unless I ever had no choice to. And even if I did, your sister would probably have my head.”
“What do you mean you would never force me to unless you had no choice?”
“It’s how a mentor disciplines another warrior, a combination of physical and mental rape. And I hope for your sake you never do anything that warrants that kind of punishment.”
“I’ll keep that in mind Zeiry. Now, how do we do this anyway, I mean we still have time, so…”
To answer Keyra’s question, Zeiry moved over to her and pressed her lips to the younger girls. Keyra felt something in her grow progressively warmer and moaned into the rather soft kiss and that was when Zeiry took the chance to slide her tongue into Keyra’s open mouth and her hand somewhere else, somewhere that no one had ever touched on her before.
An hour later as Keyra lay totally spent in Zeiry’s arms, she knew that this was going to be a whole new part of her life, that things would be interesting. In a world where survival depended on your training, she knew that she would survive. But what she didn’t know was for how long she would survive.
she had no idea that her life was foreshadowed by a prophecy, and that no one would tell her, the only one who knew what it said was her sister, and Skyler couldn’t tell her little sister, not yet. But she did have to say something, and soon.
oh my fucking god. please write more please?
I will, and yes I know it needs more background, but that will come from flashbacks and stuff. I don't tell everything in the first chapter. I mainly use it to set things up.
and plus, FireWalker, I basically told you everything the other night anyway, lol!
ok, I am working soo backwards on this story, chapters five and six are done, seven is almost don, eight will be the next, then the rest of the stuff. the epologue was the first thing don folled by a list of chapter tittles and everyting jut comes off of there!! grr, I'm determined to have this done by the new yar, well before the knew year.
alright, WTF happened up there, I typed in the leters, but the comp took them off!! WTF!!
here's the next chapter, sorry it took so long, I finished the second half before I took care of this half of the story.
Chapter two: rashness and impulsiveness.
“Wakey wakey Keyra, we’ve got a lot of work to do today!!”
Keyra rolled over in her bed, she was comfy, and didn’t want to move, last night was heavenly, and she didn’t want to let go of the feeling of zeiry’s hands on her, Zeiry inside her, surrounding her, bonding her. She knew that if she got up she was going to be in a fair bit of pain, but she kind of didn’t think of that little fact as she snuggled against the hand poking her in the head.
“mrumph,” she mumbled while pulling the pillow over her head.
Suddenly she was flying through the air. She instinctively moved so she would land on her feet and managed to catch herself.
“First lesson little Keyra, always be aware of your surroundings, as soon as your body clock says it’s time to get up, it should be like that. Constant awareness, constant defense, constantly ready to attack on a split second notice. Now let’s go get something to eat.”
Keyra followed the too cheery Zeiry out of the room and couldn’t help but wonder why she was so perky. Meeting up with an equally cheery Ryo and an equally grumpy Skyler just made her laugh slightly. She had never seen her sister look grumpy in the morning, but then again she guessed that Sky had always been up with the sun, but that didn’t mean she liked it.
“not funny Keyra. And you shouldn’t laugh, you’ll be up this early from now on too.”
Keyra just continued to laugh at her older sister. She knew that Skyler was right, but she just couldn’t help but laugh.
It was a few hours later that Keyra found herself in the middle of a grassy field but she had no idea how she got there.
“Alright Keyr, this is going to be easy. Starblades aren’t that hard to form, but they are hard in the fact that you can’t be feeling any emotion while forming them. If you want it to be caring or anything else, you need to blank your mind, and let your instincts make it what they will. In a fight or any other time you cannot, and I repeat cannot show emotion, emotion makes someone weak, and in this world, weakness can get you killed.”
“weakness and almost anything else that I do, rash, impulsiveness, stubbornness. What can I show, I can’t be a cold hearted detached bitch Zeiry, I just can’t.”
Keyra glared up at her mentor because right after her outburst she found herself on the ground.
“This training might be harsh but you can handle it, now shut up and stand up and let me see what you can do.”
Keyra stood up, did her best to wipe her mind and let a small ball of energy form in her hand which slowly turned red.
Excellent little starling!”
Keyra smiled and forced her palm out slamming Zeiry in the stomach knocking her back.
Skyler watched the two from a clump of trees and really didn’t like what she saw. She knew that Zeiry was just doing what she needed to do, but Keyra could not hide her emotions, Skyler knew that all too well. She had tried it herself and it didn’t work, it made things for her while using her powers, harder, but then she remembered that the more Keyra hardened herself the easier it would be for her to put power behind her attacks when her emotions were showing. This was something everyone knew needed to be done, but just how much longer could she wait to tell her sister, how long could she wait to tell her best friend that she was fated to die.
“You don’t like watching her do you, but then tell me Sky, why do you watch,”
Skyler turned to see Ryo sitting next to her.
“Zeiry is trying to turn Keyra into something she’s not, I know it needs to be done, but it’s my sister, I can’t let her close herself off, you remember how hard it was for me, it’s going to be harder for her, but everyone knows it needs to be done, but the question is, once I do tell her, what will she say, what will she do, will she even do what needs to be done?”
Ryo sighed and placed an arm around the older woman’s shoulder, “if truth be told lover, I don’t like it either. I’ll have a word with Zeiry about this. you just keep Keyra grounded, she’s going to need you.”
The two leapt off the tree as Zeiry and Keyra came over. Keyra leapt over to her sister who pulled her into a hug. Ryo noticed the look on Zeiry’s face and pulled her a good distance away so they could have their talk.
“Skyler?”
Keyra sounded nervous and Skyler sighed
“What’s up angel,” using the nickname she called her when she was still very young.
“Why do I have to hide my emotions all the time, you don’t, ryo doesn’t and it looks like Zeiry doesn’t, so why me, why do I get the feeling that I’m somehow different from everyone else?”
Keyra, you are different, but I can’t tell you right now, but when I do tell you and it will be soon, please don’t hate me for it. And you don’t have to hide, at least, not from those closest to you.”
Keyra and Skyler headed back to the house where Sky put a hand on the younger woman’s shoulder, “I want to show you something, well a few things. The first is how to break the control of a mentor if things get too tough, to allow yourself some small amount of control over your life when you feel like you have none, do note that this is only to be used in an emergency only.”
Keyra watched as an aura of silver glowed around her sister before she vanished. Then she heard Skyler’s voice next to her ear, “This turns you invisible to everyone, but they can still feel you, I’ve only used this once, and that is not a story I’m going to get into right now.”
Keyra sighed, mustered everything she could and tried to match the feeling of her sister’s power, how the energy was working around her and finally felt herself there, but couldn’t see herself. Moving into the kitchen and turning visible again the two began to cook lunch for when Zeiry and Ryo returned, both knowing that a step had been taken, but there were still a few more steps to go before secrets were revealed.
TBC
The concept is interesting - I like that about it.
You do a lot of tell-not-show, though. Like in the first chapter, you infodump on us - a whole paragraph or whatever that's explaining background. It interrupts the flow of the story - you should explain as the story progresses, in little bits, so you don't bore the reader.
Most of your dialogue is pretty good (I love the intro to chapter two), but some of it seems a little forced. That can be fixed in a later draft though, so it's all good.
Sentence fluency seemed a tiny bit choppy, but like I said, that can be fixed too.
Overall, I really do like the concept though. :)
Alison
thanks, chapter two gave me massave writers block, the bios to this story are in her somewhere I just don't feel like fishing them up, there are the bios for the entire star flame trilogy. , I only have a few more things left to write, the total file size for the whole thing is 7,222 words, and that's with six chapters written and the epologue in. this is probably going to be about 10,000 words and that would be quite cool